星期日, 八月 15, 2004
hi...feelin so down...realise that once the word break up cums into mind, it stays in my mind....at the back of my mind...everytime i felt disappointed or unhappy, the "break up" thought will corrupt my whole mind, and i got the urge to tell him that potent noun immediately. Dunno how to handle this kinda problem...guess i never will in my whole life? Think the "break up" word will not cast any effect on him after sayin it once too often? Perhaps den i shldn't say this word all the time? Last wk already mention it once....mabbe sayin it this time it will really serve its function.
I got a selfish thought--not exactly, it's a self-protective thought positively speaking. Breakin up suddenly is v hurtful to the heart cox it'll experience the full contentrated impact all at one time. But if i slowly stray away from this relationship, i'd not feel the hurt all at once. Instead i'll feel part of the pain bit by bit over time... and Until when most of the sad longing feeling has wither away, i'll initiate the break up. I can imagine how sad it is to come to this decision....if i decide to break up this way, i'll haf to b determined and not let myself be lost in him during the "strayin period". I'm not sure if i really wan this...part of me tells me to hang on...and believes that we are meant to be. Another part of me wans to be selfish...I really hate this mental torture...I understand wat it means when pple comes up with phrases like (something/someone) breaks their heart, or that they can't breathe, or when they say heartache...stab in the heart..something like that. I can feel so much of all that...it's not something one can experience juz by secretly liking someone--even if you haf being likin her/him for as long as 2 years. It takes a serious amount of "togetherness" and "feelings" to be able to experience that kinda "pain".
nothing else matters on8/15/2004 10:54:00 下午
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