星期一, 九月 12, 2005
My whole idea of tutors and studio is soo skewed. Everything is so negative! Why do we have to do 6 concepts when they arent goin to see if u really do tt? Why do for the sake of doing? Why fill up A3 sheets? Can't i ignore all these shit if they don't suit me? No one says u can't do something you like....yr grades would take the back stabbing for you. Worse you don't even know what they are up to...what is really goin on behind their sniggers, their kind earnest advices TT smile... You don't even know you have been stabbed. I DETEST IT.
My ego is hurt. BIG TIME. Thought i am good. (Still tink i'm good) BUT does that helps? TT's only what i tink.....mabbe i can ignore wat they tink. (IF ONLY i can.) Tink i can't.
What is good design? Good design = creativity? Good design = hard work? Good design = good grades? I seriously have no idea. And cox i dunno wat's good design, i dun understand design, i dun understand appreciation of design. I hate it. I hate things i'm not good at. I HATE IT. I HATE THIS FEELING.
nothing else matters on9/12/2005 09:54:00 下午
-•-
星期三, 九月 07, 2005
Hard life....
Miss the holidays...
Don't like the way studio works now...feels like i'm being squeezed til the max. So irritated with doing things, getting things done, pondering over so many things to do and not feel like doing anything. Can't seem to get any decent rest cox i knoe i have to get things done somehow.
I feel worse when i compare with people from other facs, i awed how my classmates managed to joke and laugh and take things so easy. I seriously consider dropping the course cox i wan a more fulfilling uni life. 50 years from now there's a high chance i'll regret slogging like mad now and not having what a 20yr old shld be enjoying. I get no satisfaction from the things i'm doing. There's no meaning to anything.
My darling's hospitalised again, I get extremely mad with the doctors in sgh everytime i tink of this...y did they allow him to b discharge the previous time b4 they could find out wat exactly is wrong with him? Numerous blood tests and body scans didn't generate any results...i seriously doubt their capabilities and sincerity towards their profession. I doubt they can get any results out this time....worse thing is i am totally helpless, can only keep wishing they can discover what's wrong asap...but i feel damm cheated. Got no choice but to depend on them....i hate this feeling of dependency.
nothing else matters on9/07/2005 12:39:00 上午
-•-
