星期五, 三月 25, 2005
i'm getting fat again...
nothing else matters on3/25/2005 10:40:00 下午
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星期日, 三月 20, 2005
wat was i tinking? Why do i keep throwing my temper around? Y do i keep getting angry with him? Y cant i be satisfied with wat i've got? Y can't i juz accept him as he is? Y do i feel so insecure easily? Y can't I just live without having any expectations of him? Wat do i want to make myself happy? Y can't i make him understand? Or izzit that i'm being too incomphrehensive? Or i'm juz plain demanding? Unreasonable? Stressing? Y does he run and hide alone when i start arguing? Y the only thing he knoes is to say sorry and blame himself? Y can't he address the problem? Y can't he understand or bother to find out about my problem? Is he being insenstivie? Or is he too tired? Y is he tired? Y did he say he's tired? Is he juz tryin to please me? Am i really giving him so much stress that is making him so tired? Y can't i leave him alone? Y can't i keep my promise of tryin to be understanding? Izzit my fault or his or both? But wat can i do when i totally can't communicate with him even when we're tokkin? Y doesn't he get my meanings? Y izzit i always hope that he'll just tell me he loves me and it never happens? Y can't i just survive without the verbal part? Y do i keep failing in tryin to be nice? Y can't he just for once do something right or say something right? Wat's the point of going on? How issit possible that we can argue when we're a thousand miles away? How can we still argue when i miss him so much? Y did i flare up in the first place? Wat am i going to do now that he says he wanna be alone? Does he realise that it's difficult for me too? Wat can i do or say now that i made him so helpless and trapped? Wat can i do to help us? Wat shld i say? SHld i sms him again? Wat if he's already having his training and he can't receive? Will i b more sad as a result? Y can't i be a stronger person? Y do i keep doubting us? Y can't we communicate? Y can't we communicate? Y can't we communicate properly? Y can't we communicate after being together for so long?
Why?
nothing else matters on3/20/2005 11:08:00 下午
i'm so tired...i can't even bring myself to cry.
nothing else matters on3/20/2005 11:07:00 下午
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星期四, 三月 17, 2005
Seems like the blog is slowly becoming a place for me to complain to. Found studio more and more depressing. Mabbe it's bcox i am not doing as well as last sem, mabbe it's becox of patrick, my tutor. Hmmm it's weird, i just realise this is the first time i'm actually disliking my art tutor, (used to be on quite good terms with art tutors.) Tutors really have an impact on me, their advices, comments - verbally and visually. It's getting abit annoying for my case. He seems to have weird responses - the way he frowns, his signature "unsure-ness", and his sarcastic "are u stupid" look. SERIOUS. He makes me feel like an idiot sometimes, i wonder if anyone of us bears similar thoughts, though i think he really is a damn smart guy.
I know my works have been failing me, and them...I'm concerned! But i'm just pathetic, stuck, constipated. And i only have 2 weeks to assure myself, and christian, that i'm right. Christian really thinks quite highly of me, actually he made me feel better juz now by tellin me tt the head of depart is v impressed with my works. But i kept letting him and myself down...I feel so down I really want to do well....this is so depressing. I think i'm caught in this viscous cycle of being stressed, drought, stressed, no ideas...no good ideas.
Find everyone around me improving -alot, he told me if there exists any competition, it's against myself and not others.
nothing else matters on3/17/2005 10:31:00 下午
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星期日, 三月 06, 2005
My grades are going to fall this sem...
I tink i lost it.
Siwei's leaving later....and i'm at home. I have doubts about our relationship, but i know i truly love him. i'm so helpless!
nothing else matters on3/06/2005 12:54:00 上午
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