星期二, 十月 12, 2004
Today's a happy day in a puzzling way. I got alot of compliments for tying my hair up. HA i know i sounded so stupid it's such a trivial thing to do! But the thing is i thought i look kinda horrible with my uneven hair tied up like a chicken tail. Guess what I got approached by a guy when i was walking back to my house just now - he asked if i'm interested to bcum a model and gave me his namecard. He sounded quite genuine I thought i may just check out the company website on his namecard. It's catworks...appears to b quite a decent company. Perhaps i've thought of modeling - but i feel like i'm just wishful thinking. Cox i thought i just got an above average face and figure but definitely cannot pass for my posture nor walks nor my fingernails. Secretly I'm scared that in the middle of the interview or something they'll ask me to show them my nails and i think i'll just run away in embarrassment. Guess i'm just not meant to be one - even though the idea of able to retain my youth in photos sounded extremely attractive to me. I was thinking i should do something - perhaps a photo shoot or something before i turn 20. Not much time left.... *siGh*
I told my mum what happened between me and siwei. She actually sided with him saying that it's my fault for being so wildful and acting like a spolit girl who kept wanting her bf to spend time with her when he got so many other commitments to make. Come to think of it....my mum has a point too. Yup siwei's mum must have cooked stuff for him and wanted him to accompany her before she goes to work. Afterall, siwei woke up so early to take a cab to my house just to see me. I guess if i were in his shoes i could understand his dilemma. I'm starting to regret letting him leave without a proper closure to our problem. Now i can't even let him know that i'm sorry. I worry everyday about him in Brunei. Heard from my classmate that Brunei training is hellish. And he's down with fever when he left. And his gf shunned him off w/o even giving him a chance to explain. His gf only needed him when she's stressed up with work and when she's feeling angry with her own attitude when doing self reflections. She just wanted a person to lean on mentally and physically. She does not want a weak figure because it would make her helpless and irritated. She is rash and does things in a careless reckless manner to a point where she appears as though she does not have a heart.
I told my mum that many times i wished i could do something for him like cook him a meal or make something for him - to be a good gf to him. I told her I feel bad inside that i didn't know how to cook nor brew herbal tea nor sew....... She suddenly said something that striked me as true and i've never thought of. She said that I dun have to feel bad at all for not being able to do all these for him bcox siwei's not those picky types to judge his gf by what she has cooked for him eg. I should instead act from my heart and not lament on these little things i could not do but felt like doing. I guess my mum's right. Suddenly, I feel i've not understood the foundation blocks of our relationship. I've not.
nothing else matters on10/12/2004 11:00:00 下午
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