星期五, 七月 23, 2004
Juz went out wif jy and lz...dunno y nber ask wc and lj along...anyway haf been reading lz's blog. She sorted reminded me of my past ---how i felt when i was wif siwei earlier on this yr and even late last yr. Then i took his every single gesture and words v attentively, dunno y now oso learn to b not so attentive to wat he does and says now. I tink cox now i'm busy wif my own stuff too like goin out wif frens and painting and startin to learn driving and goin out wif my cousins and family blah blah...Woah i love e situation i'm in now cox i haf no time to make myself tink of him endlessly unlike a few months ago when i led a sad workin life and was always pinnin on him like an abandoned cat waitin for its owner *weep*.
Sch's startin soon and i haf no clue on wat timetable and wat modules to take....Actually i'm oso concerned abt how i shld present myself to my future classmates and tutor...I'm not sure if i shld b enthusiastic abt making new friends and joining new clubs and stuff...Cox i went to camp last wk and my og's only alright. I've been quite selfish by not helpin out for the rag day today and on tues. I was really uninterested so i didn't go lahz...thought mabbe i shldn't b so "on" so early and oso so many pple will b there den i'll go there mabbe quite useless oso den v awkward. OR i'll haf ideas and start tellin everyone abt my ideas again....(sigh i always cannot control if i got some ideas....) I'm not sure if pple wanna listen to wat i haf to contribute...And i dun like it if i'm the one who always contributes (like the first day of e camp when we're supposed to do a og project) cox i'm not sure if pple treats me like a fool, and i dun wanna appear as though i'm dominatin e whole discussion. But sometimes i can't stand it when pple juz refuse to say anything and we cna't get started...So i can't help but to start sayin my idea cox i wan to get something done. Den pple may tink i'm damn bossy or tryin to act "lihai" ...Hmph this is annoying. Perhaps it's all my imagination....i juz feel insecure. I'm a v insecure person. :( I tink i'm tinkin too much...sheez...i tink i shld juz go for e og outing next wk after matriculation bah or else i'm really goin to b thought as anti-social liaoz...haha though i really dun care wat my og tinks of me cox i juz can't b bothered...got other stuff to do lahz.
[oh no...wat happened to me????? I really in this "lazy" "heck-care" state of mind....]
nothing else matters on7/23/2004 11:54:00 下午
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