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星期三, 四月 21, 2004

i had a bad taste of love last weekend....threw a tantrum...felt so ashamed of myself....feels so thick-skinned and no pride....But the struggle to retain my pride juz weights my pain down even more....in the end i end up reacting worse than ever in this one year 4 month relationship.

WHy do bad things have to come together?

First i quit my job den haf to go back and make up...den his dad got hospitalised...den now we ended up having a bad day bcox of our troubles....
I tink i would not forget the heartache i felt, being neglected when u needed someone, hoping tt the someone will understand and comfort u...the hurt is so bad, it made me realise the true reason why pple sometimes say it takes alot of courage to fall in love all over again when u had a bad relationship b4....but i didnt have a bad relationship...i merely had a taste of what a bad relationship feels like. Begining to feel afraid --realise how much he means to me...realise that my mood is so at his mercy...i'm feeling so vulnerable all the sudden. And i hate this feeling...

WHy do i keep doing wrong things? I hate saying sorry all the time...and realise no matter how many times i say, i wont feel better, neither is he i suspect. Wat shld i do to make up? I keep asking myself this question whenever i do something wrong....It's almost like a routine....i'll start off doing something wrong, den i'll be almost perfect for a few weekends, den for some apparent reasons i'll lose my temper -- or do something wrong -- den the cycle continues....

I'm feeling so sick of myself and the whole matter....AM I SUch A LOusY GF???

nothing else matters on4/21/2004 11:18:00 下午

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