星期四, 四月 29, 2004
Met up with Yingwei, Yang, Sarah and Kaixuan juz now for dinner....THey're still the same! Kaixuan and Sarah esp still the same look! Haha.....had a fun time! So long nber meet up, we went to nydc....den we tok alot and took quite alot of photos! Surprisingly the awkwardness is not there when we met....mabbe we'll still to humorous and stupid to care much....still the usual rubbish and slangs started popping out as we talked....Felt so nostalgic!
Lately v v busy with my work...Things nber seem to cease...the english news digest is giving me headaches! And my cilent is so irritating....kept wanting me to rush yet nber gives me the correct stuff....And he today told me that if i cannot den he let his old designer do the job--
[Let yr designer do lahz...this kinda stupid job so miserable! Yr wife made me do it...i dun wanna do it one okie...Now give me all these shit liaoz den tell me yr designer can do it...WASTE MY TIME!.........] if only lizhen didnt cum into the picture....but i had no time den tell her to help me....now cannot say halfway go scold the cilent say dun wan to do rite? But i really dun feel like taking the job....Alot of problems lorhz....sigh...give me stress....i still haf to keep telling him wat things i need...he called me up at 11:50 plus pm juz now wanna pass me stuff....luckily my phone spoil cannot receive his call! CAN DIE!!!!! Wish June is here soon! Cannot wait to slack and haf some real fun!!! But need someone to slack with me oso lahz....now this is another problem.......
Last weekend me and siwei really really really really becums so so so so so so sweet!!!! We were watching vcd in my room on sun den ended up lying in each other's arms....cannot forget the blissful look he had on his face when he snuggled between my arms. He told me he's so lucky to have me as his gf, i asked if he compared me with his ex, he says sometimes will tink abt it....first few months normally treat him v nice but after tt will not so nice le....but i juz treats him nicer and nicer....I say i love him mahz....
nothing else matters on4/29/2004 12:22:00 上午
-•-
星期三, 四月 21, 2004
i had a bad taste of love last weekend....threw a tantrum...felt so ashamed of myself....feels so thick-skinned and no pride....But the struggle to retain my pride juz weights my pain down even more....in the end i end up reacting worse than ever in this one year 4 month relationship.
WHy do bad things have to come together?
First i quit my job den haf to go back and make up...den his dad got hospitalised...den now we ended up having a bad day bcox of our troubles....
I tink i would not forget the heartache i felt, being neglected when u needed someone, hoping tt the someone will understand and comfort u...the hurt is so bad, it made me realise the true reason why pple sometimes say it takes alot of courage to fall in love all over again when u had a bad relationship b4....but i didnt have a bad relationship...i merely had a taste of what a bad relationship feels like. Begining to feel afraid --realise how much he means to me...realise that my mood is so at his mercy...i'm feeling so vulnerable all the sudden. And i hate this feeling...
WHy do i keep doing wrong things? I hate saying sorry all the time...and realise no matter how many times i say, i wont feel better, neither is he i suspect. Wat shld i do to make up? I keep asking myself this question whenever i do something wrong....It's almost like a routine....i'll start off doing something wrong, den i'll be almost perfect for a few weekends, den for some apparent reasons i'll lose my temper -- or do something wrong -- den the cycle continues....
I'm feeling so sick of myself and the whole matter....AM I SUch A LOusY GF???
nothing else matters on4/21/2004 11:18:00 下午
-•-
星期二, 四月 13, 2004
The greatest pleasure in life is to live it simply, live it easily, live it lazily, Wish i can grow up faster....lead my life with him. I wanna buy a nice cosy house, wanna worry about nothing except about wat to cook for him, tink i goin abit mad le...kept reminicising abt the future. I told him i wanna earn lotsa money now so i can buy a big house for us...he laughed and told me to stay at home to rest he go earn the money.
Mabbe i'm too stressed with my work and abt my strained relationship with my boss. He doesnt seem to trust me liaoz cox i messed up stuff. Mabbe it's suey oso cox the jobs i do are all halfdone by my previous colleague who went to deliver her child. Mabbe it's the unfamilarity, or mabbe i'm juz plain careless?? Hmmm watever's the case, juz so unhappy now. He mentioned to my other colleague tt i increase his workload....but my colleague says i contribute to reduce their workloads too....i tink he's juz tryin to make me feel better. I lately haf been concentrating, but mistakes still occurs....things so unexpected like today he said the text for the microsoft is not all black....
{ huh??? Wat not all black??? How i knoe???? See all black how cum not all black? I didnt even touch the color for the text in e first place???? Am i suppose to check all the 40 plus pages?????? Oh no, den wat about other stuff i didnt touch??? Like the alignment below??? Am i suppose to click on everything and check???? The visuals are not accurate?? How cum den wat is accurate??? }
nothing else matters on4/13/2004 12:41:00 上午
-•-
星期二, 四月 06, 2004
Perhaps i DO have attitude problem. My colleague is right...i'm not happy with the fact tt i put in effort for my work but am not giving as much in return in terms of pay and training. BUt my boss is unhappy with the careless way i'm handling the microsoft job. SO......but i'm still juz so irritated. Perhaps i'm juz an ignorant and arrogant idiot. :(
Tinking of quitting halfway and juz goin off....but i thought of the 3day hsbc thingy and remind myself that i quitted tt job cox it's meaningless....den am i goin to tell myself i'm goin to quit this job cox of bad pay??? Den wat reasons may there be when i get another job??? OR am i really suey cannot get a decent job??? *siGH* Now i dun feel like doin design anymore cox i tink that interest cannot be work, the same applies vice versa. I should be contented with getting a good payin job and den slacking at home the rest of the time. I tink work if mixed with interest will kill the interest.
Like art, working art spoils the whole feeling of loving art. Mabbe i dun really like art at all? Mabbe it's because i can paint well so i feel good abt it...likewise if i can do my maths really well and score v well for it i'll love math? I guess den i'm juz in love with the feeling of being able to do something really well. Well den, i shld start mastering another field instead tt is more user friendly....
nothing else matters on4/06/2004 11:31:00 下午
-•-
