星期五, 二月 27, 2004
A A B C
nothing else matters on2/27/2004 10:22:00 下午
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星期四, 二月 26, 2004
went out with lijun and lz today to celebrate lz's birthday...perhaps it's juz another excuse to get together and tok tok...:)
lj told me all abt wat zj did during vday for her-sending her flowers, a big bear and chocolates...woah, she even sent me a picture of the bouquet of flowers zj sent her...he managed to do all tt even when he had to go camp. That really made me envious. I knoe i shldnt compare myself with her and siwei with zhanjiang...i knoe different guys expresses themselves differently...besides, siwei's timetable is different from zj's...but dunno y the more i tink of the sweet things zj did for lj really made me feel sad...wat she got was like wat i had always wished for secretly...jux that i knoe siwei wont do all this for me.
I'm begining to hate v day and my birthday.
Heck cares if i sounded like i'm juz a materialistic girl. I knoe i'm not. I just wanted an occasional surprise, a once-in-a-blue-moon dream cum true...but i knoe it'll never cums...it never cums.Wat makes me feel damn sad abt myself is that i'm desperately tryin to hold back my tears at 12am, hopelessly pouring out my sorrow in front of a computer screen, hoping that someday someone will saw this and perhaps, pity me?
nothing else matters on2/26/2004 11:51:00 下午
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星期一, 二月 23, 2004
i
miss
you.
nothing else matters on2/23/2004 11:09:00 下午
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星期日, 二月 22, 2004
Woke up at 12 plus in the afternoon today....so sleepy couldnt get up coz last nite was talkin to eugene til 2am....talkin abt woes. Haha....he kinda sort things out for me and gave me some advice to me abt siwei....yup perhaps he was rite i tink too complicate-ly. Mabbe i shld be more direct to the point to avoid unnecessary unhappiness and misunderstandings.
I was so bored so asked lizhen to go out with me...she was so nice and agreed to meet me in the evenin though she went cycling with edmund and gen and his fren at ubin. we went bugis! And we shopped and shopped.....but i was soooo lousy! I got irritatably tired....and i told lz abt me and siwei--ab yesterdy...hey it was really not sad anymore. Tink i kept repeating the incident-to eugene to lz until i dun feel sad anymore....in fact i dun feel that it was a big thing anymore, i juz feel abit stupid abt the whole thing and why i'm so affected coz he got no time to get me a pressie. It's not that he doesnt love me....so i guess i'm really over reacting. Hmph.
Anyway he called me juz now...and feels abit weird. I am really happy to receive his calls....but sometimes i realise it's always the same qns i'm askin- like how are u? got eat? got pass yr ...test? can do push-ups? He everytime will start the conversation with "ah3" Den i'll have to tink of qns to ask to keep the conversation goin....sometimes it's so ironic...like he only haf 15 min or less to spare....the talk time are supposedly to be precious and we shouldnt waste a second of it.
Yet, perhaps we are so rushed to be forced to say something that it turns out that we have nothin much to say to each other? Somemore the reception is so bad we are interrupted like everytime we talked. often i have to "huh" a few times b4 i get wat he says.....perhaps talkin in this kinda bad atmosphere is equivilent to not talking at all? Sigh.....mabbe i'm the only one who gets this feeling. But on the contrary, i really perk up when i hear his voice. I get lonely if he doesnt call....but when he calls, i realise i have not much to say.....does this means that loving and missing someone doesnt require verbal communication? Perhaps this problem only exist when he's in camp?
Anyway, i bought a matching handphone accessory for him and me....it's very nice! Saw it at bugis....it's a metal wire bent into the shape of our names. so i bought 2....it's instant made on the spot...the person says our names are so coincidental and that we muz be a perfect match. Haha...perhaps he's tryin to sell off his handicraft, but it really made my day :)
nothing else matters on2/22/2004 11:32:00 下午
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星期六, 二月 21, 2004
Dunno wat's wrong with me again...i tried to be understanding already, i really tried.
But i guess i spoil everything again...
I knoe he's tryin all his best to spend as much time with me as possible, yet i just dun feel satisfied. I have been disappointed with him coz he didnt get anything for my birthday and for valentine. Actually i really didnt mind at all--i didnt mind last wk-which was valentine's week and my birthday....i really didnt mind, i just wanna be with him! But last few days when he was in camp, he called me and said he wans me to choose something for myself- he said he'll buy something for me, and i got excited, and happy.
This morn when he was out he said he had to get back home at one plus coz he needs to prepare some impt stuff for camp tml...i got disappointed, wat made it worse is that he said he was goin to buy me a present today- we looked at bears, this forever friends bear which we nearly bought but i thought it was too ex. I guess i couldnt decide if i really wanted something. I dun wanna let him spend too much on me but i really really liked him to get me something--coz he didnt get me anything last year on my birthday too :( I thought that perhaps he would buy me something in front of me...it's juz a stupid secret thought i had- but i knoe guys esp him wont get it.
i'm just tryin to play heart to get. And i got both of us hurt. I followed him to his hse and secretly stayed downstairs for abt an hour...not hoping that he'll cum down but juz dun feel like goin home. I even rejected his calls and shouted at him over the phone when he called. I shouted at him sayin that y he's doin his stuff with his fren and y cant i help him instead. I didnt realise tt it wasnt any easy task....
I really feel v lousy....he took a cab to my house early in the morn once he got home from camp...he didnt even see his mum today--juz bcoz he wanna spend the precious 4-5hrs with me...last week he oso took a cab juz to see me faster. I really spoiled things this time...Siwei wasnt mad at me, he kept sayin sorry and it was his fault for needin me to fit his schedules....But i knoe it's my fault...i shouldnt be so demanding...
nothing else matters on2/21/2004 10:54:00 下午
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星期四, 二月 19, 2004
Siwei called me today! Hee...i was watchin this mi4 tao2 nu3 hai2 vcd when he called...and in the episode xiao3 tao2 and dong1 shi4 kinda remind me of me and siwei...v stupid horz....watch halfway den tink of myself.
Feels extremely sweet sometimes when i watch this kinda show...i tend to relate couples in shows to myself and him. Did i mention that i feel so happy and blissful when he's around me? Even the simplest things we used to do like studying in the lib every sunday...i feel most extraordinary
Yesterday i had the most beautiful birthday My colleagues went to buy a surprised cake for me :) They sang a birthday song for me...really didnt expect it.
Guess sometimes things turn out most beautiful when you dun expect them to cum... My parents bought me a sony erricsson t630! Really very happy :) And my whole family went out to eat in this restaurant...simple dinner but i talked quite abit...kinda feel the 'happy family' mood.
nothing else matters on2/19/2004 11:12:00 下午
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星期二, 二月 17, 2004
Really happy today. Lizhen and Lijun brought me to Marche at suntec to have a great dinner! We chatted alot....realise got alot of things to change up and update with...They bought me a scarf! Very nice i really like it..though i dun used to wear scarfs around, but i'll try to wear something to go with it. It's dark red and black with thin gold stripes inside! Very elegant and quite me. Heee...
Tml is my birthday, was wondering who will remember it besides lijun and lizhen?Actually i took a day off from work yesterday coz i wanted to pei siwei...we had quite a simple day. Went jurong point to eat macdonalds...haha realise this few days keep goin jurong point with him coz it's near my house!!! Den went my cousin's hse, she gave me a whole bag of vcds to watch....gonna keep myself occupied so that i wont be too lovesick! Now i got enough vcds to keep me occupied for a few months-literally.
nothing else matters on2/17/2004 11:40:00 下午
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星期日, 二月 15, 2004
I can feel myself falling deeper and deeper in love with siwei...it's dangerous. I could feel it...he sent me home today after an evening out at the movies, and he sent me home last night too....to anyone they may think that it's juz normal...bf sending gf home...but to me it's different. He used to leave me to go home alone at night...especially at night coz he was afraid that his mum will be unhappy. But since he went in camp, he has been sending me home everytime without fail.
It's hard for me to believe that a guy would actually change juz as he promised to change. Siwei did. And now i love him more den ever. But the nicer he treats me, the more helpless i become...I feel even more vulnerable now, more dependent on him den ever.
How can i learn to be stronger when he's away in camp?
How can i bear the pain of seperation again?
nothing else matters on2/15/2004 10:29:00 下午
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星期六, 二月 14, 2004
Siwei juz left my house....sheez i can't believe i cried... :( Coz i feel so bad for being abit angry with him for not initiating to buy any presents for me! I was really abit angry and disappointed coz i saw couples holding flowers and soft toys walking around the whole of jurong point and i didnt get anything at all....but i wasnt angry at first...i knew he juz came out of camp and had no time to buy anything. But i dunno y juz felt abit not happy :(
I cried coz on the bus i realised how tired he is--he fell asleep on the bus so quickly and his slping position is so erratic it suddenly struck me how tired he is.......I suddenly feel so ashamed and guilty for being unhappy about the fact that he didnt bought me anything for valentines...So i cried in his arms when we were in my room juz now. He juz hugged me tight and i felt so blissed.
Perhaps i would look at this some months after this and will feel like a complete idiot...but i love him more den ever now...realising the fact that he'll be in camp permanently living this kinda lifestyle and i will only be able to be with him once a week or less.. He said that he had grew to love me more after he went in camp... :) It was so sweet! The only thing i wanted to do was to hug and lie down beside him when i see him today. That moment when we were just side by side together brought a different feeling into my heart--it was a moment of shere sweetness, of eternal warmth and peace and I feel like my life was made solely to experience this moment with him.
It was a moment of perfection.
nothing else matters on2/14/2004 11:26:00 下午
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星期五, 二月 13, 2004
I re formated my laptop today and there's something wrong with the internet connection! I'm using my brother's computer now...sigh...so fed up already... :(
Actually i'm feeling v excited about stuff this whole weeks...there's the tv shows- american idol and this new channel u show at 9pm every weekdays...and the comic books i've borrowed, this blogger thingy...i'm so excited to learn and create this blog into something really nice and impressive! But sadly i never really got to do it nicely coz i'm so caught up with everything and nothing gets really done eventually!
*sigh*
The time is so late already....hmph and i'm not sleepy at all! Coz it's goin to be weekend soon and that means Siwei is coming out from camp!
Me is so happy!
I've been countin the days to saturday since last week! And wat's more worth anticipating is the fact that saturday is valentine's day too...it's the 2nd valentine's day i'm spending with him and i'm really looking forward to it....i'm not expecting anything though coz he juz came out from camp and obviously will be v tired and had totally no time to come out with anything special....but i dun care! As long as i can see him- finally, already i'm soooo happy! :) I made him this really sweet box, an idea i stole from the net....it's a box meant to represent my heart and when you open it, there's a mirror inside showing (him) inside my heart. Hopes he likes it :)
nothing else matters on2/13/2004 12:15:00 上午
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星期六, 二月 07, 2004
went shopping with weiquan and jialin!
I'm so tired but i just dun feel like sleeping! We went from orchard to bugis and combed the whole of bugis seiyu parco, the nite mkt opposite and all the way to OG! And i finally bought a pair of shoes :)So happy!
nothing else matters on2/07/2004 11:25:00 下午
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星期五, 二月 06, 2004
feels abit weird to express feelings on the computer screen...especially real feelings of sentiment. Wonder how you have been in camp? I hope you are not too stressed up not being able to do pull-ups...I hope you have improved though.
Are you thinking of me right now? Or are you happily aslp like a log? I havent been sleeping well since the day you left for camp... :(
*siGh*
How i wish you would come back to me soon...I know it sounds childish but i really hope so! I cant bear not talking to you every night b4 i go to sleep, can't bear not hearing your voice every single day and miss the days you used to call me early in the morning just to wake me up and brighten up my day altogether. :)
Are you suffering in camp? I hope not. Everyday when i think of you, i start to get worried if you are been treated badly or if you are going through tough tough training. The thought that you might be having a hard time makes my heart hurt and sometimes i feel like crying-- like a baby.
nothing else matters on2/06/2004 11:53:00 下午
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